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Morning Glory #22: 'What It's Worth' PPV Prevew - WWE Vengeance 2003
Before I begin this column, a huge shout-out to Justin T, my fellow Orator, who has given me permission to use elements of his famous ‘PayPerValue’ columns. You can find his archive HERE, and although it’s a lot smaller than it used to be, it still contains some awesome stuff.
Over here in the UK, we’re lucky enough to get most WWE Pay Per Views ‘free’. They’re not technically free, as they’re not on a terrestrial channel, but if you subscribe to Sky Sports, they don’t cost any more money. The PPVs we get on Sky Sports are No Way Out, Wrestlemania, Judgment Day, Bad Blood, Summerslam, Unforgiven, No Mercy, and Survivor Series. Originally, we got the other four PPVs (Royal Rumble, Backlash, Vengeance and Armageddon) on the terrestrial Channel 4, but since they gave up their rights, the four PPVs have ended up on Sky Box Office. We are charged £14 for these PPVs, and while some have been altogether worth it (Royal Rumble 2002), some have been a total waste of money (Backlash 2003). WWE Vengeance, this Sunday’s upcoming Smackdown-only PPV, is on Sky Box Office for £15, and yes, I will be ordering it.
So here, in my first solo PPV Preview column, what I’m going to do is borrow the element of ‘value for money’ from Justin’s PayPerValue, and work out exactly what I’m spending my £15 on. I’m going to be giving each match a value, in terms of how much of my £15 is going towards that match. So for example, previewing the Royal Rumble, I would’ve valued Scott Steiner-HHH at £6, and Kurt Angle-Chris Benoit at £4 (because before the PPV, I was more interested in seeing the former). Geddit? I’m sure you will….so onward, for the first ever edition of Scott Newman’s ‘What’s It Worth?’ PPV Preview.
Billy Gunn vs Jamie Noble
The storyline behind this match – Noble’s ‘indecent proposal’ to Torrie – actually has me quite interested. Sure, nobody involved has good acting skills (although Noble and Nidia play the parts of the hicks well), but the angle has cracked me up, and for a lower card angle, that’s fine. I think if Torrie turns on Gunn, and joins Noble, there could be the opportunity to get Gunn and Nidia hugely over as babyfaces (Gunn as the guy who’s no longer ‘shallow’, having seen through his bimbo girlfriend, and Nidia as the ‘worse looking but generally nicer’ girl), but whether the rednecks that comprise most of the WWE crowds would buy it is another thing. The match, however, does not interest me at all. Jamie Noble is not my favourite worker – he has nothing that really makes him stand out in the ring, and Billy Gunn is well, Billy Gunn. I won’t come out and say ‘Billy Gunn sucks cock’ because that’s not the case – there’s a lot of worse wrestlers out there, but Gunn’s conditioning has seemed poor since his return, and he just can’t get the crowd interested in his matches. I certainly wouldn’t pay good money to see this match, and therefore, it comprises very little of what I think my £15 is going towards.
Winner: Jamie Noble
What’s It Worth?: 25p
APA Bar Room Brawl, feat. APA, Sean O’Haire, Chris Kanyon, Rhyno, Doink, Brian Kendrick and Brother Love
This match is the most thrown-together PPV match that I can remember since the ‘Immunity Battle Royal’ back at Survivor Series 2001. Let’s be honest here – it’s literally nothing more than filler, in order to eat up some time, and to get guys like Rhyno, Spanky and O’Haire on PPV. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s going to be entertaining as hell, especially with the additions of Love and Doink, but is it really a decent use of most of the guys involved? Certainly not. O’Haire, Kanyon, Rhyno, and Kendrick could easily be upper card wrestlers at this point, and are more capable than guys like Big Show who are main eventers at the minute. I’m guessing I’m going to be enjoying this ‘match’ a lot, but it’s a sad state of affairs when guys like Kendrick, O’Haire, and even guys not involved in this match (and not even on PPV) like Matt Hardy and Ultimo Dragon can’t get a feud, while Vince McMahon, Zack Gowen, Sable and Stephanie stink up the upper card. On a tangent, I think Bradshaw is officially my most hated WWE wrestler right now, and his presence here, coupled with the waste of the afore-mentioned wrestlers, will make this less entertaining for me than it should be.
Winner: Rhyno
WIW?: 50p
WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin vs Billy Kidman & Rey Mysterio
Another match on this card that feels ‘thrown together’, the self-proclaimed ‘World’s Greatest Tag Team’ take on the temporary team of Kidman and Rey. Do I think they’re the World’s Greatest Tag Team? In the WWE, I’d say yes – I haven’t had chance to see America’s Most Wanted from TNA, but from what I hear, they’d probably deserve the moniker more. The Smackdown tag division has a serious problem at this point in that it only has four teams (WGTT, Bashams, APA and FBI), and three of those four are heels. If I wasn’t such a fan of Benjamin and Haas, I’d probably suggest the scrapping of the division altogether, but I think the solution would simply be to get more teams on TV. Team up useless midcarders with no hope of ever making the main event, like Bill DeMott and A-Train for example, and stick them in the division permenantly. With the brand-exclusive PPVs now, they could definitely afford to give teams decent feuds, and PPV matches, with the added PPV space.
However, while I advocate putting useless midcarders in teams and putting them in the tag division, one of the major things that pisses me off is when viable singles contenders are wasted in the division (see Kane and Van Dam). Kidman and Rey Mysterio are just that. Given that Rey is the Cruiserweight Champion, too, makes it even worse. While I am incredibly pleased that Kidman, one of my favourite wrestlers, is finally on PPV, I think that this match is nothing more than a vehicle to turn Kidman on Mysterio, starting a feud for the Cruiserweight Title for Summerslam. Really though, if this is the case, why not just do this match on Smackdown one week, and give the PPV slot to the Bashams or someone, adding a Cruiserweight Title match along the way? It’s lazy booking, something that the WWE has shown a lot of knowledge about recently.
Winners: Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin
WIW?: £1
WWE US Title Match: Eddie Guerrero vs Chris Benoit
Since his ‘heel turn’, Eddie has been a breath of fresh air on Smackdown, and although he’s supposed to be the bad guy, he has been getting bigger ovations than most of the faces on the roster. As I said in my last column, the WWE faces a problem with Eddie, in that when he plays a heel, he plays the role so well that he ends up getting cheered, but when they act on those cheers and turn him face, it totally dilutes the character. My solution? Push him as a total tweener, with alliances to nobody, and allow the fans to pick who to cheer for. It’s obvious that the WWE are high on Guerrero right now though, and they have reason to be – he’s awesome in the ring, and hugely over with the fans. Which, simply put, is the reason he won’t be winning the US Title this Sunday.
Chris Benoit is about as opposite to Eddie on the scale as you can get right now. He’s still over, but only because he’s reached the point now where he’ll always be quite over on reputation, but his place on the card is hanging by a thread at the moment. Since the Royal Rumble, where Benoit received a standing ovation following his match with Kurt Angle, he’s seen his stock fall, rather than rise. After months of being wasted in a tag team with Rhyno, Benoit’s main event opportunities seem to have disappeared once again, and this time, I’m not going to blame his lack of mic skills. Benoit was over hugely as the ‘everyman’ face at the beginning of 2003, almost in the same way DDP was in WCW. Did they capitalize on this? No. What happened to Benoit’s likely World Title run in mid 2003? It’s July now, past halfway in the year, and we still have Big Show stinking up our main events.
I believe someone in the WWE recognizes the dropped ball with Benoit, which is why I think the US Title may be a way to push him back up to the upper midcard. Eddie will lose this one, but I think he’ll probably get a bigger push next month, which I’ll talk about a little later. The match? It’s Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero, two of the best wrestlers on the roster, so it’s almost guaranteed to be good. And what’s more, the US Title gives the crowd a reason to care (unlike the thrown together match they had at Armageddon), so the fans should get into this one nicely. Definitely one of the main reasons why I’m paying good money for Vengeance.
Winner: Chris Benoit
WIW?: £5
Stephanie McMahon vs Sable
Ugh. Undoubtedly, this will prove to be the worst match on the card. So, using ‘WWE Logic’™, it’s been given a huge build, and tons of promos and TV time. Honestly, I didn’t have a problem with Sable’s return to WWE TV back in March – I always found her entertaining in the late 90’s, anyway. People say she’s not as attractive now, which is true, but there’s no denying she’s still pretty hot. Sable’s feud with Torrie Wilson was relatively entertaining, didn’t take up too much TV time, and gave Sable a chance to show her mic skills (as well as other things) off. At the end of it, Sable had basically sucked up Torrie’s heat, and was the most over female on the Smackdown roster. So, rather than let her help a wrestler up the card (Sean O’Haire maybe?), they put her into this brutal angle. Before I go on a rant, therefore, I would like to say that I AM a fan of Sable, and her work since return has entertained me as much as it could’ve done. Until now, of course.
I’d say Stephanie McMahon is the biggest cancer the WWE has ever had. Worse than the Clique’s mid-90’s powertrip, worse than Hulk Hogan’s early 90’s self-serving, and far worse than even her significant other, Triple H’s politics. The worst part, of course, is that Vince won’t ever wise up to this, because she’s his baby girl, and can do no wrong in his eyes. Unlike her far more talented and entertaining brother, Shane, she feels the need to be on WWE TV for at least most of each year, and while she was relatively tolerable as the bitchy, slutty heel character, as a face she’s the worst character on the whole roster. Not only that, (and yeah, I CAN blame her here, because she’s head of creative) she seems obsessed with getting herself over as a sex symbol and some sort of ‘powerful woman’ type. I’ve been told WWE people read our columns here on the Oratory, so for the benefit of any WWE employees reading: Stephanie, get the fuck over yourself. You’re not as attractive as Trish, Sable, Victoria, or even Molly and Nidia. You can’t work in the ring, you can’t work the mic (and while I’m on the subject, get the fucking voice sorted), and you’re not over with the fans. Get the fuck off our TV, and concentrate on doing what creative is supposed to do – get the wrestlers over.
Winner: Stephanie McMahon (like she’s gonna lose on PPV!)
WIW: 10p
The Undertaker vs John Cena
Before I begin, I’d like to offer my condolences to the Undertaker and his family for the recent loss of ‘Taker’s father last week.
Now although Taker wasn’t on the final Smackdown to hype this match (obviously because of his father’s unfortunate death), I still have high hopes for it being entertaining. Cena, like Eddie Guerrero, has been a breath of fresh air on Smackdown recently, and is, at this point, arguably THE most entertaining man on the roster. Undertaker hasn’t done much at all in this feud, being kept back to the odd run-in, while Cena has cut a series of incredible promos (the graveyard one comes to mind) and has generally been awesome. The feud has been brewing for months now, since Cena stole a victory from Taker in April’s #1 Contender’s Tournament, and if we’re being technical, you could say it’s been brewing for around a year, as Cena was taken under the wing of Big Evil last year, upon his debut, and now he’s lost the ‘respect’ he had for Taker.
Do I think Cena will win? Yes, I do. I think the feud will only be a one month job, and that Cena will steal a victory here, probably by using some sort of cheating. I have no problem with that, as long as the win doesn’t come like Cena’s last one did, with a huge run-in being the thing to cost Taker. People have complained about Taker not putting people over enough, but as I’ve said before, when he actually does put someone over, the rub is huge as it’s something that happens very rarely. I’m sure everyone would rather see Taker job to Cena than someone like A-Train, so yeah, if Taker jobs, then it’s been worth the months of him squashing crap like Train and the FBI. Will the match be any good? I doubt it. Cena’s not really that good, or experienced in the ring yet, although he is improving. Taker’s work has left a lot to be desired recently, and while he can still pull out the odd good match, I don’t think this is it. His mind will probably be on other things (his family) and that’s understandable, so it’ll be a miracle if this match is good. The angle has my interest though, no doubt.
Winner: John Cena
WIW?: £4.90
Vince McMahon vs Zach Gowen
Another match which is sure not to entertain, as the Boss takes on the One Legged Wrestler. The angle leading into this has been poor at best, and all the story is really telling us is that “Vince McMahon dislikes cripples”. When Hogan was involved, it was slightly more believable due to his rivalry with Vince, but since then, it’s become horrible. McMahon, while he’s still a good heel, is nothing more than a caricature of his late 90’s persona at this point, and the whole ‘face feuding with an authority figure’ angle has become so tired at this point that it’s in a coma. The horrifying thing is that Vince is apparently planning to fight Brock Lesnar at Summerslam, meaning that he believes the formula still works. He’ll realize that it doesn’t, eventually (like he realized the ‘Hogan’ formula didn’t work with Luger and Diesel), but when that happens, it may well be too late.
The WWE faces a real quandary with Gowen, in that once he’s done with McMahon, there’s really little else for him. They can’t realistically put him over anyone with credibility, or that person will basically be ruined, and if I were them, I’d rather be fired and go to TNA than lose to a one-legged man. So what do they do? Constantly put him against JTTS and have him win? Or give him the Spike Dudley type gimmick, but with even less wins? It’s something they should’ve thought about before signing him, really. I have the utmost respect for Zach for coming this far, but really, if I’m being totally blunt, a one-legged man does not belong in the wrestling ring, especially against athletes that the WWE push as the ‘best in the world’. The match is likely to be entertaining, if only to see Gowen’s unorthodox ring techniques, but while beating Vince (if he wins) is fine, let’s hope they don’t ever put him over anyone that actually has ring credibility.
Winner: Zach Gowen
WIW?: 25p
WWE Heavyweight Title Match: Brock Lesnar vs Kurt Angle vs The Big Show
This match gets totally mixed feelings from me. You have, in Angle, a man who is near the best in the entire WWE in terms of both character and ring skills. You have Lesnar, an overpushed, decent wrestler who at this point has no significant character to mention. And then you have Big Show, a man who, while has worked hard, really does not belong in the main event. All in all, it means for a match that should be somewhat entertaining, but not as entertaining as a PPV main event ought to be. Lesnar is basically dead in the water at this point – he’s only over because the fans accept the fact that he’s here to stay as a main eventer, and while his ‘cold blooded’ heel character was decent enough, this dumb, smiling, face character is crap. Brock gives us very little reason to get behind him, especially as he wins 90% of his matches.
Angle, on the other hand, has been awesome since his return, and has even played the face role effectively, something that he struggled to do during his other face runs. The fans are behind him and have good reason to be – the man worked through a broken neck in order to entertain them. He’s as good in the ring as ever, and will be the focal point of this match, both in terms of storyline and in action. Apparently, the Lesnar/Angle match is being saved for Wrestlemania XX, and while I am anticipating it, they’ll need to do a hell of a lot of work with Brock’s character for it to be the classic they want it to be. Big Show is totally out of place here – he simply doesn’t belong in the main events of PPVs. I won’t fault Paul Wight – since his major push last November, the guy has absolutely worked his ass off – but he just doesn’t deserve the position over someone like Chris Benoit or Eddie Guerrero. I see this match as Big Show’s last hurrah in the main events, before he moves back down to the midcard for a while.
So who will win? Big Show obviously won’t – as I’ve said, I think this will be his last main event slot for some time. Rumours from the major news sources suggest that Lesnar’s Summerslam opponent will be Vince McMahon, and the only thing that could make that pairing any worse would be the addition of the WWE Title. I’m therefore picking Angle to take this one, winning the gold in his first PPV match back from injury. Who do I see as his Summerslam opponent? I don’t think the Smackdown title match will main event Summerslam – if they have any brains, it’ll be a Goldberg/HHH main event – so I think it’s likely that either Eddie Guerrero or John Cena will get the nod. I have the feeling that it’ll be Guerrero, as the WWE will probably want to save Cena/Angle for some time in the future. The sad part about this is the death of Lesnar’s character. Hopefully they can get that sorted as soon as possible, especially if they want him to main event Wrestlemania XX.
Winner: Kurt Angle
WIW?: £3
So overall, I’m buying this PPV to see Eddie Guerrero vs Chris Benoit, John Cena vs Undertaker, and the main event. The other matches really don’t interest me that much, but if those three live up to what they could be, it’ll probably be worth it. I’m definitely looking forward to Summerslam, both from Raw and Smackdown, and I see this as a throwaway PPV in the same style as Bad Blood, building to Summerslam next month. Basically, I’m torn in terms of my attitude to the WWE right now. They’re doing some things so well (building Cena, the Kane angle, etc), but then some totally horrible things (the push of Zach Gowen). Summerslam may well be a make or break point for the WWE in my eyes, and which road they choose to take, I guess is something that us fans can’t decide. They don’t listen to us, after all.
Hope you’ve enjoyed this preview, and if you’d like to offer feedback, you can e-mail me at the normal address, or leave something in our Forums. Either way is cool.
Have a good one,
Scott Newman:
scott.newman@ntlworld.com
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