Columns
Morning Glory #8: Cancer
As some of you may have
noticed (or not as may be the case), I haven’t written a column for nearly two
months. The reason? I could come out and tell you that I haven’t had time, that
I’ve been doing college work, or I’ve been writing a lot of stuff for the oWa,
or I’ve been playing Smackdown: Shut Your Mouth, or something like that. But I
won’t. I’ll come out and tell the truth, the truth being that right now I’m
sick to my stomach of wrestling, and more notably the WWE. It’s no surprise that my
last column came the day after No Mercy. It seemed like a day of new hope for the WWE.
Undertaker had jobbed cleanly to Brock Lesnar in the Hell In A Cell (still my Match of the
Year btw) and had given him his biggest victory yet. Things were not looking as good over
on RAW, but I still had faith that they could improve. The week after No Mercy was when it
went downhill. After The Undertaker was beaten in Hell In A Cell, I expected a new
challenger for Brock Lesnar’s belt. Maybe Edge, or Rey Mysterio, since Kurt Angle and
Chris Benoit were still in their feud. Instead, I got the Big Show. Over on RAW, I
didn’t get any decent new angles…I got necrophilia.
Needless to say, I became seriously frustrated with the WWE’s booking, and this
frustration has continued after Survivor Series. Big Show won the WWE Title there, pinning
Brock Lesnar in his first pinfall loss, while Shawn Michaels, a man who has not wrestled a
full program since 1997, won the World Title from Triple H in the Elimination Chamber,
going over (some inadvertently, ie not pinned by him) Chris Jericho, Booker T, Kane and
Rob Van Dam in the process. My first feelings on the Michaels victory were mixed. I
didn’t mind Michaels with the title- he IS a relatively fresh character, although
he’s been at the top before and isn’t exactly a ‘new star’, and if he
was willing to put over the new talent, like Van Dam and Jericho, it could be a decent
reign for him. Michaels’ first week on top was a huge success, and really gave me
hope. Michaels didn’t wrestle, and the main event featured Jericho, Van Dam and
Booker T in a match to decide the #1 contender for Michaels’ belt, for a match the
week after on RAW. Van Dam won, and Michaels put him over huge after the match, just by
raising his hand. However, after that week of hope, we got brought back down to reality
with a bump. Michaels and Van Dam proceeded to put on one of the most thoroughly enjoyable
TV matches of 2002, before HHH ran in, Pedigreed Van Dam, and then beat up Michaels, with
Van Dam slinking off into the background, showing everyone who the real stars were.
I won’t even pretend that I watched Smackdown the week after Survivor Series. I read
the spoilers though, and was disgusted as I found out that Big Show went over Edge in the
main event. Smackdown has been gaining positive reviews all over the internet over
the past few months, mainly due to the seemingly never-ending combination of matches
between the ‘Smackdown Six’ of Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, Chavo
Guerrero, Edge and Rey Mysterio. Now, although these matches are good, outstanding even,
they haven’t really entertained me. Why? Because week after week, they’re a
re-hash of what was done the week before, two weeks before. And when they’re toiling
in mid card hell, while the lazy, out of shape, shitty match worker Big Show sits on top
of the pile, the shows just won’t impress me. Why even push the Big Show into that
role in the first place? Sure, Show has been OK in the role. But still, it’s the Big
Show, a man who has been sent to OVW to lose weight, and hasn’t. I watched a Big Show
match from 1997 on the nWo DVD recently, and the man was incredible in the ring for his
size. Now? He’s useless, and even more, he’s jobbed to everyone and his dog. And
then they waste all the pushing of the undefeated Lesnar, by jobbing him to the Big Show?
Shoddy booking isn’t the word. There is a huge problem rooted in the WWE.
That problem? The booking in general of course. To be perfectly honest, the WWE is now
faced with a problem much, much larger than Hulk Hogan’s ego in the early
1990’s, or the Clique in the mid-1990’s. Since Stephanie McMahon has been
promoted to the role of head writer, things have gone downhill, mainly because of her
constant push of her boyfriend, Triple H. I won’t blame HHH for this- in the same
position, just as Kevin Nash did, most people would probably do the same. However, whether
it’s the right thing to do, or the tempting thing to do, the HHH factor is wrecking
the WWE right now. He’s EVERYWHERE on RAW, and unlike in 2000, when HHH’s push
actually worked, this time everything’s going wrong. Ratings are at a four year
slump, and HHH seems to be the only person getting a fair shot on RAW. It seems that you
can’t even promo properly against the guy now (see Eric Bischoff for a good example,
in a promo against HHH he said “I respect the hell out of you. But…” and so
forth) and the only person he’s willing to put over is Shawn Michaels. I used to
defend HHH, but not any more. He’s crushed Booker T, Kane and Rob Van Dam, and while
Jericho toils in the pointless tag division, he’s basically dropped the World title
to Shawn Michaels only to win it back in another ego-fuck. Reading the results from RAW
this week, it seems even worse, as HHH is set to defeat and humiliate Michaels in his
‘own match’, the Ladder match. I can’t blame HBK for any of this, because
from what’s been reported, it’s all on HHH’s head. Michaels seemed
genuinely happy to boost RVD’s credibility, and has not really shown any signs of his
infamous ego. HHH on the other hand…. And what can Vince do about this? While his
daughter is in charge of writing, nothing, until the happy couple (hopefully) split up.
Seriously, I can envision the next Montreal in the next couple of years with HHH, because
right now it would be the only way to get rid of him.
And then when the ratings sag, we get the next problem rolling on. Whenever the ratings
sag, Vince resorts to the push of big guys to attempt to solve the problem. In this case,
it means Rikishi constantly appears on Smackdown, Bautista gets shoved up the card like
there’s no tomorrow, Big Show wins the World title, and in the worst decision of all,
Albert makes an unwelcome return to our TV screens. Now, Albert isn’t such a bad
worker for his size. I actually enjoyed his match in mid-2001 with Kane, but the guy has
such big flaws that it’s incredible he’s still with the company. One is his
look. I’m no Brad Pitt, but I’d certainly compare with Mr Jennifer Aniston if I
stood next to Albert. His hairy back, bald head, big gut, and bizarre piercings do not
scream ‘big star’, and to be honest, I think the only way he would get over is
by wearing a mask ala Kane. His name is also terrible. For wrestler’s names, I have
this little test you can do to determine their stardom. If you can imagine Howard Finkel
saying “The WWE World champion, *insert name here*”, they will always have a
chance. “The WWE World champion, Albert!” does not sound good at all. Albert
needs a huge makeover and gimmick change before he can get over as a decent threat. And
yet, he’s being pushed, injuring Rey Mysterio, and feuding with Edge. At the expense
of Matt Hardy, one of the WWE’s brightest hopes for the future. I wouldn’t
begrudge Hardy if he now became lazy, and stopped caring. After all, what’s the
chances of a push when someone as bad as Albert can hop in front of you in the queue? God
only knows what the other workers think about this.
So, where has the WWE gone wrong? Why are ratings falling lower than they were in 1997? Is
the business just on a downturn? Or is the WWE making all the wrong decisions; pushing the
wrong people? I’d say it’s a mix of both. In 1998, when the business was on a
huge crescendo, with Steve Austin on top, the WWE was also at the height of pop culture.
Austin, and then The Rock were the most notable celebrities to emerge from wrestling since
Hulk Hogan in the mid 1980’s. Now however, it’s just not trendy to watch
wrestling any more. Back in 1999, it was cool to talk about wrestling at school. Now, when
I mention it at college, only two or three people are also into it. Why? Because while the
rest of the world has moved on from ‘attitude’, the WWE remains trapped in 1998.
See WWE in 1993 for the perfect example. Hulk Hogan, with his ‘American patriot
superhero’ character was by far the biggest star in the 1980’s. So, when his
star began to fade in the early 1990’s, Vince McMahon and the WWE just saw it as the
fading of Hogan, not the fading of the character itself. Immediately, Lex
Luger was pushed in the Hogan role, and failed miserably. Luger was quickly de-pushed, and
Bret Hart and then Kevin Nash, and Shawn Michaels were pushed into the top role, but it
still took until 1997 and the ‘Attitude’ era to get the WWE running well again.
Steve Austin was the Attitude era of the late 1990’s equivalent of Hulk Hogan, and
was every bit as successful. But since the downturn in business, beginning in mid 2001,
the WWE has searched for the ‘new Austin’. We’ve seen The Rock and Triple H
against the ‘evil owner’ in the angle rehash of Austin vs McMahon, and neither
man has been as successful as Austin. Brock Lesnar is in the midst of an angle against
Paul Heyman, but recently with his interactions with Stephanie McMahon, he’s looked
more and more like a character clone of Austin. Lately, it’s even been reported that
Austin is likely to return to the WWE soon. Now, I won’t even go into the rights and
wrongs of hiring a man convicted of spousal abuse- to be honest, what Austin does at home,
however wrong it is, will not affect how he works on TV. Austin should not be brought
back, full stop. Why? Not because he hit Debra, but because bringing back Austin and
pushing him back to the top of the WWE is just another throwback to 1998. The WWE
doesn’t need the ‘next Steve Austin’, or the ‘next Rock’. The WWE
needs something new, someone else who will capture the public’s imagination just as
Hogan, Austin and The Rock did before them.
Who knows, this next big star may come from a lucky break. It may not be someone who the
WWE has earmarked as the Next Big Thing. For all we know, the REAL next big thing could
quite easily be Maven, or Test, or someone completely unexpected. However, what we do know
is that the next big thing will not be the same as Steve Austin. Austin’s character
is ‘1998’, and this is 2002. To return to a ‘boom period’ in
wrestling, the fans need to latch onto something else, something new. Another Austin
feuding with the evil boss will not be the thing to latch onto. If I had to pick someone
to push that looked likely to catch on, I’d probably pick Rob Van Dam.
I’m not even a huge fan of Van Dam, in that his ringwork isn’t the finest.
However, Van Dam is unique, and unique is what’s needed right now. Van Dam is the
equivalent of an ‘extreme sports’ athlete in the WWE, in that he does all the
high-flying, risk-taking moves, and yet his character remains as laid back as ever. The
promo featuring him sums him up, basically. “Take a chill pill, dude, whatever”
and so forth. Skating, Tony Hawk, and pot seem to be the in thing right now, so Van Dam,
given the right push, could quite easily be the breakout star. Or maybe not, who knows?
Given the way it is headed, coupled with the fact that the WWE is now the only game in
town, it seems as if professional wrestling could be in for a big crash sooner rather than
later. Whether it will take a 2. something rating to open Vince’s eyes, or the
breakup between Stephanie and HHH, something will have to change soon in order for the WWE
to regain it’s powers and once again become enjoyable to watch. After all, last time
round you could flip the channel and see the nWo. Flair. Sting. Savage. That’s
impossible this time, and won’t change unless NWA TNA get a TV deal. Which, with the
reputation of wrestling right now, is highly unlikely. Yes, the WWE indeed has cancer.
Let’s hope they can cure it before it becomes terminal.
Scott Newman: scott.newman@ntlworld.com
AOLIM: thesuperstar24
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