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Morning Glory RCC:
Confessions
I never meant for this to
happen. For me to turn my back on my fans, the thousands, millions of people who loved me,
respected me. I never meant to let them down, to walk out on them like some kind of
yellowbelly. All I wanted was to be number one again. To have what used to be mine. That
top spot. That special place where nobody could touch me. I was there for so long. The
king of the world. The untouchable one. The guy who would be at the top forever. But that
spot? It had been taken away from me. Why? I don’t even know. I was still the best
around. It was like all of a sudden, they just wanted second best.
1998. I remember it like it was just yesterday. Millions of people cheering my name,
living for my every word. Fans with t-shirts, with my words, my lines on them. My face on
every TV, in every home in America, in the world. I was a huge star. Now my star has just
fallen. Crashed and burned like some bad car wreck. What went wrong? I never changed. I
changed only when they told me to change. I just followed orders. They wanted me to
change, and I did, but it wasn’t working. So they told me to just do what I used to
do. Kick ass, drink beer, flip the bird, and it would be 1998 again. But that could never
be. It could never be the same. It wasn’t 1998. It was 2002.
I never said I wouldn’t lose to that guy, I wouldn’t make him look good. I just
thought that he wasn’t ready for what was being given to him, what was being thrust
to him, where it wasn’t to me. When I was 25 I wasn’t the Next Big Thing. I was
paying my dues down South. I was being beaten by has beens, never beens. I wasn’t
even Cold yet, merely Stunning. Why should I hand my dues, my top spot, my special place
to a guy that hasn’t done a thing for this business? Look at all I achieved, all I
accomplished. I brought in all the fans. I brought them back from down South, I became
bigger than the business itself. Money. Fame. Glory. And you expect me to throw it away to
help out some green rookie, a big guy with no experience? He couldn’t hold the crowd
in the palm of his hand like I can. He can’t bring in the fans, the money, the
spotlight like me. And yet, he’s going to take my spot. I don’t resent him. Just
the world, and the people that make things like this happen. I fought for that spot.
I didn’t mean to touch her, to lay a finger on her. I love that woman with all my
heart. It sickens me to think about what I did. It only happened one time. One mistake,
one flash of my temper. I don’t even know why I did it. She didn’t do anything
wrong. She was just there in the wrong place at the wrong time, like some of the guys who
I used to beat up on TV, in the good days. I’ve said sorry a million times. I hope
she can find it in her heart to forgive me. One time. Does that make me a wife-beater, an
evil, heartless villain? I’m no paedophile, no rapist. I made a mistake. I know a lot
of people won’t forgive me. They can’t. They’ve been what she was put
through, and they know what it’s like. I’m sure there’s plenty of guys who
know how I’m feeling. But I’m sure they think the same way about me too. A
wife-beater, someone who’s lost the plot. I wish I knew how to sort this mess out.
Some tell me to go back, to try to recapture past glory. Why? It will never be as good as
it was then…..shooting stars only come around once. Then they burn out, they fade
away. I’m a shooting star. My time has been and gone. And yet….I don’t see
any shooting star to take my place, to be what I was just yet. Maybe in a year, 2 years,
who knows? I just know that they’ll never shine as brightly as I did. But if I
return? Will my star shine again? I don’t even know any more. It wasn’t shining
at the end. It was merely glowing, running on the past. What would make a return any
different? How would the fans react, to a man who walked out on them? A man who stabbed
them in the back when they needed him most? A man who beat his wife, a defenceless,
frightened woman? They would hate me, like they hated anyone who stood against me before.
I wouldn’t blame them. I hate myself right now. For what I’ve done, for what I
didn’t do.
Maybe I have two pieces of mind. I don’t know. I can’t separate from realism and
fiction any more. Maybe that’s the problem. I don’t know where my character
ends, and I begin. Maybe that was why I struck her. Thought I was back in the ring, back
in my ring, where I could do anything and get cheered. I was like Robin Hood. Breaking the
rules, breaking the law only made me more loved by the common man. Then I broke one law
too many, and my name is met with hatred, met with scorn. I’m a fighting man. I
always have been. I laid down for nobody, and wouldn’t take any bullshit. I’m a
Texan, what do you expect? But I’ve changed. I’ve grown old, different. This
time, I think there’s no fight left in this old dog.
When I used to be who I used to be, they called me ‘Stone Cold’. I don’t
feel Stone Cold any more. Just vacant.
This is a purely ficticious look into the mind of Stone Cold Steve Austin. Think what you
will.
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